Parenting In Today’s Complex Society And The Widening Gap In Youth Engagement. #ResponsibleParenting

The adolescents of today may find themselves waiting longer before marrying. This is not as a result of any direct fault of theirs but the complexity of our society of now. Parents and guardians must do better than pressure them on conventional beliefs. Your marrying at their age need not dictate that they should marry at same age under a totally different clime and human condition.

If you are reading this and you are pressured, kindly take a deep breath and relax. There is no point spending more time trying to be more physically attractive in order to impress anyone (crush or not) rather than making yourself mentally attractive.

Social media may have become a showglass for exhibiting body parts and vanities but do not let this distract you. Educate yourself, address your recurring toxic thoughts, deal with your insecurities and learn to be happy on your own. This is far more attractive than you know.

There are many broken adults out there that might have been saved if anyone had shared these thoughts with them in their formative years. Normalize saying “NO” without needing to over explain yourself. It is a complete sentence. If anyone is offended by your boundaries, that’s their problem not yours. The best weight you’ll ever shed is the weight of other people’s opinion of you. Avoid seeking external validation and approve yourself.

Other people’s definition of “fun” need not be yours. Fun is not defined by drinking, partying, casually taking drugs and getting high and socializing. Fun can be a night alone, getting lost in a book, a deep conversation with proven leaders/mentors, a walk, creative art, listening to music that inspires or practicing something you love and would want to be notable for. Fun speaks to your uniqueness and it remains intrinsically yours to define.

I address this often because of the growing number of our youth seeking guardiance under extreme pressure to blow or become the next sensation. You are enough. Age 15–35 is a golden era of your life. It’s okay to make friends and lose them. Make mistakes, correct them and learn from same. There is no point going through what others have being through when we can learn from their experience. There is a gulf of difference between enjoying life and ruining one’s future. Build credible relationships.

I have consistently told the few who care to listen the hacks of telling a recalcitrant society the truth. You will no doubt become the enemy of society if you lack tact and or the art of presenting your science. As an advocate cum Archer of the Truth aiming for the heart, one must at least dip the tip of one’s arrow in honey before setting it free. In fixing society’s most gruesome woes, we must begin with the family institution which is most critical.

This informed Social Intervention Advocacy Foundation’s (SIAF) #ResponsibleParenting advocacy riddled in anecdotes. There’s no doubt that navigating the rollercoaster ride of parenting is both exhilarating & heartbreaking, a challenge that requires philosophy and inner peace to explore in a society that focuses on the monitoring of external physical development as against tracking the steps on the long path to psychological maturity. Those who say parenting is the most beautiful experience of our lives may have economized the truth in form or another, for the pressure is enormous.

Parenting is a village occupied by depression, towering and continuous obligation, and the most tasking roles any human can ever undertake. Its streets are paved with unbearable guilt. and shame hidden under the dimly lit alleys of vulnerabilities and insecurities. As often maintained, nothing is absolute as life itself is nuanced. Growth can only be assured and processed when we admit our shortcomings. “Parenting can be both our greatest joy, but also our deepest sorrow.” With a new generation comes greater responsibility.

Christy Essien Igbokwe once sang about our society’s penchant for blaming the actions of badly behaved children on their upbringing. This perspective from ancient philosophy in its core benefits society by laying incredible pressure on parents, thus making parenting onerous. Modern day parents are learning that the natural consequence of overextended responsibility is guilt. This is what makes most parents paranoid and always insecure as haunted by the insane idea that it is wholly in their power to make their children happy.

In the course to make the impossible possible by spawning and raising a consistently and perpetually happy kids, we alter the trajectory of their life and purpose and live in regrets eventually. You know how some parents over indulge and end up losing their influence on their kids? Before our current exposure, I believe it was easier when our parents can easily adopt the orthodox approach of beating black and blue for course correction or hard reset as often termed, but today that’s Child abuse punishable under the Child Rights Act 2003.

Nigeria adopted the Child Rights Act to domesticate the Convention on the Rights of the Child. The Children’s Rights Act of 2003 expands the human rights bestowed to citizens in Nigeria’s 1999 constitution to children. Whether you take this seriously or not, it is the future.

The solution to the myriads of issues plaguing our society lies in the core of the family institution and the principles of parenting adopted in our society. Birthing kids with Ivy League education and silver spoons up their behinds without manners, decorum or social skills deficient in all ramifications as per the regard to authority and in some cases totally out of control for the parents to even engage, counsel or advise against the destructive trajectory they have imbibed as indoctrinated during their foreign sojourn while schooling.

It takes understanding and empathic response to diagnose this problem and bridge the gap. Children will forever be irritating. but can we blame them if we fail to train them? Scan we task ourselves to meet intransigence with logic & compassion? Are we ready to unlearn to relearn? We call it Parenting at the family level but Governance in the real sense.

I count my upbringing a blessing however traumatic for “If a child was raised in an environment with no flaws or hardships, they would have quite a rude awakening when they emerge into the real world.” Nigerians emerge the best in all that they do globally having proven the strange doctrine that posits “Good enough is better than perfect” —a child will live the rest of their life in a very imperfect world, so living by the highest imaginable ideals is utopian & leads to frustration.

The picture of a perfect parent ingrained in our subconscious is that of a friend of the kids that manufactures happiness. This is forlorn, unrealistic and dysfunctional. I have lost count of how ,any times I’ve had to remind my son I am not his friend. Same way Govt is not ours. Paternalistic approach to Governance brings ruin (see Marxism) just like “growing up with “perfect parents’ would create immense pressure on a child that none could live up to.”

I allow my children see my vulnerabilities. I’m no god & same is extended to my followers. My Children are learning from my mistakes just as must as my followers are. I let them make up their own minds by showing them all sides while bridging gaps in our nuanced Society. I can always be Questioned. There’re no retributions to the expression of bad feelings.

I’m always preparing my kids as well as followers for such a time when I will no longer be needed and a time all that they have learnt would be put to the test. There’s no grief for me in seeing the independence of those I’ve mentored/raised. We must see from their perspective. The prayer of every parent is the fulfillment of their children. It begins with nurturing their emotions. The Bible admonishes that we should train our kids in other to secure our rest. Train your children in the way of the Lord and when they grow up they won’t depart from it.

A child who has felt required to deny their vulnerabilities will struggle to acknowledge the complex reality of others. We all have a great deal of work to do as parents and aspiring parents. We all must take responsibility and fix our society beginning with our household.

…End of Celestial Observation…

Reference : The Joy and Sorrows of Parenting, The school of Life — Alain de Botton

#YouAreEnough ⛱